Black Comedy

Black is back, eager to deny that he was "flavour of the month", a "professional Liverpudlian" or "The Most Boring Pop Star In The Cosmos". Tim Nicholson nods his head in agreement and says, "Colin's a nice lad".

Colin Vearncombe, in a small, British kind of way, is a global megastar. Last year, he smiled his 'Sweetest Smile' and persuaded us it was a 'Wonderful Life' and the world melted, like the pats in his butter dish. Or so he would have you believe.
You see, the fickle British public fell out of love with Black when they staunchly refused to dance to his records, preferring to snog quietly in the corner. But, it seems, the rest of Europe and Japan have not been so disloyal and he is now so famous that he has met Rick Astley and Sam Fox and they didn't say "Colin who?".
Now, his stormy affair with Britain is about to resume with the release of his new single, 'The Big One', and, quite soon, a new LP called 'Comedy'. Yes indeed, Black's back and ready to say, "Colin... Colin Vearncombe... you know, Black ...'it's a wonderful, wonderful life' and all that".
"I have to admit, there have been one or two 'Oh yeah, didn't you used to be Black' kind of remarks."
Isn't that a bit distressing; that people's memories are 50 short?
"Not really. For much of that time I haven't been here to watch them forget me, 'cause I've been busy being a success elsewhere. "But you were here to watch 'I'm Not Afraid' and 'Paradise' flop.
"I think my record company wanted a platinum album. Even though 'I'm Not Afraid' fioundered and couldn't be saved and 'Paradise' really struggled, on each occasion the album sales went shooting up. It's a complex business, this marketing lark."
Did you, perhaps, think that 'I'm Not Afraid' failed because it wasn't the slow melodic lament that we'd come to expect from you?
"It has been suggested that if 'Paradise' had been the single after 'Wonderlul Life' then it might have been different, but I'm not unduly concerned. The people who bought the album know that Black isn't just about pretty little slow songs."
So, is Black an album band?
"I bloody hope so! It's the only way to stick around these days and I want to be here in 10 years time still making records. The only way to do that is keep out of the fashion market, or else you get tossed aside as fiavour of the month."

Black's first hit, 'Sweetest Smile', was a beautiful. slow croon. Sufficiently different from the usual conveyor-belt of identikit hits to distract the listener and stretch their attention span to four minutes. Was it a surprise when you found yourself at the top of the pile?
"I was arrogant enough that when success came I said, 'About bloody time!'. I was always certain that if people got to hear me I'd be all right and the first single to be played extensively on the radio was a hit."
But wasn't it a surprise that it took 'Sweetest Smile' to do it?
"I have to admit, 'Sweetest Smile' being a hit was something of a shock. It hasn't got a chorus for God's sake! I don't know what it was about the song that changed people's minds about what sounds good on the radio."
Maybe it was the line about melting the pats in the butter dish.
"Oh God, don't start all that again. I've had such a lot of flack over that line. It was just a joke, a bit of light relief in a sad song... a play on the saying 'Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth'. But I've had people saying to me that the line spoils the song for them, and some journalist even suggested that it gave away my middle class upbringing. That's just bollocks! I've never said my background was anything other than middle class, and anyway, I don't eat butter and I don't have a butter dish. I like my margarine out of the tub."

Colin's ride with the music press has been something of a bumpy one. The teen magazines consider him too muso, too dull and not quite gorgeous enough to be Marti Pellow. The 'serious' rock rags, on the other hand, reckon him to be too lightweight an9 not interested enough in giving the political manifesto of chairman Col. And yet, these people have to be considered because their magazines are read by the people who buy the records. What's a poor boy to do?
"You know that thing that John Lennon said; 'Be careful what you wish for, cause it just might come true'? WeIl, I tried to be very careful, but it was still a situation that you couldn't possibly have prepared yourself for. I had to make compromises left right and centre.
"I'm very serious about what I do and, it seems, the music press isn't. They just come along with their silly little questions and what I try to do is be as polite as possible, 'cause the world's already too full of knobheads going out all over the place. To be honest. I look on it as free advertising and nothing more. Record Mirror is the only magazine that would have someone come along, like you have today, to chat about the things that we like...
Oh Colin. you don't have to say that.
"But it's true. These other papers are always in search of an angle, always some hook to hang you on. even though they've come to speak to you, presumably, because you've made this record. Why should I be expected to have all the answers to the problems of Liverpool City Council within my hands when supposedly accomplished people being paid wages can't sort it out for themselves?"
In the event you did almost become a professional Liverpudlian.
"You can't help it. They all say they want to do something different, so you give them an idea I had this idea for the TV programme 'APB' where they would get anonymous opinions from a lot of people who know me well of what they thought of me, in complete confidence, and then get the reaction from me. But what do we end up doing? Walking round Sefton Park in Liverpool, like every bloody Liverpool band, talking about your history and why you call yourself Black. I mean, c'mon. not again!"
Is it those kind of questions that earned you the coveted mantie of 'Most Boring Pop Star In The Cosmos'?
"Exactly. That really irritates me. I always expect people to do their jobs as weIl as possible, and in an interview the bonus is on the interviewer to get what he or she came for. But, in the event, it's someone new to their job who arrives unprepared, knows very little about me and I just switch off. But you can't do that because they scuttle off and say 'Colin's a nice lad, but a very boring interview', and you think, 'F...k off! You know nothing about me!'

If that's what they really think, then they don't know Colin Vearncombe. He has his role in life and pretending to be something else doesn't interest him. If you ask him what the biggest thrill to have come from his success so far is. he will tell you about Peter Gabriel saying to him that he liked his album. A bigger thrill than meeting Sam Fox? "Oh, that was embarrassing. I was really jet lagged and she came up to me and said 'I really like your records. 1 just looked at her very blankly and said 'Thanks'. I couldn't think of anything else to say.'
You could have said 'I like yours too'.
"Oh. I could never lie".
Colin's a nice lad.